hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize