You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
