there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
