I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
