my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
