I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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