Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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