capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
