I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
