we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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