They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
