Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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