The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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