how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
