why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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