I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
