Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
how drunk are you?
Several
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
