oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
