in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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