i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
