I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
