He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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