She announced her abortion via fbk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
