Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
