I want to walk on stilts...naked
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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