I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
