Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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