im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
