lets start a swedish sibling band together
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
