she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
