I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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