Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
