My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
