I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
