I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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