I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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