Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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