i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
