I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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