Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
