The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
this hospital has no fireball
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
