just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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