glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
