Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
