Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
