There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
