Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
