id be glad to
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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