Its about making memories worth repressing
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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