you would pick up someone in the library
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
