y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
