you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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