Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
