I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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