The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
