I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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