i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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