you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
