Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
