My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
