I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
