You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Alive.
So much puke
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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