I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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