Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
