guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
