he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
