Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
