That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
