Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just googled if crying burns calories
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
